Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
