So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I know her cup size but not her name....
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
