I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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