Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
