man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
