Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
