All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
