can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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