My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If I had your ass I would rule the world
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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