Your mouth is God's brothel.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.