ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
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He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sex while Star Warsing is the best