party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I touched a dick in church today
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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