Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
