so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
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I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
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I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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