I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just got carded by a ten year old.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
