last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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