and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
