So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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