you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
