Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I looked at my own cervix.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i think im in europe. pls send help
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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