if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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