Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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