I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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