In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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