drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
