Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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