Pappa wants mamma naked
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
