umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
