my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
