there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
