Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
