just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
