I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
