your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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