I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
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We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
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you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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