If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I've blown a few things in my day
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
