Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
