He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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