CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
