I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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