it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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