i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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