I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
