I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
