PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
