half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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