She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
