these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
