there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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