i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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