i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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