i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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