babies were throwing up all over the place
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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