How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
