I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
