Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
ok first of all what the fuck
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
