You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
