his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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