It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
