last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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