I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
