your thong is hanging out like whoa
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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