Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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