is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
