i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
