If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I need to wash the frat house off of me
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize