That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
