Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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