If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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