A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
