so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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