shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
