My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
this will be a night to untag.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
