So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
