just come out here and I will go home with you...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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