Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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