Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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