you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
