That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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