think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
