i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
