he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Randomize
